I posted on social media that I shed no crocodile tears for the Trumps, now that they have tested positive for Covid-19. Someone then said that that was “mean” of me. I disagree. I cry when I feel like crying; I don’t cry because a bully Covid denier is in the hospital. I don’t think it’s mean not to shed crocodile tears (meaning, fake ones). I don’t think I am “mean” because I am not a phony. I don’t believe in bullshit or lying, but I do believe in science.
Science has even shown that tears may have different types of chemical make ups. There are actually, factually, three types of tears: Basal, reflex, and emotional. You will notice there is no tear type called “Crocodile,” which means I am off the hook for not shedding them! (See? Told you I’m not mean.) Basal tears are in our eyes all the time, supposedly. Basal tears serve the purpose of “lubricating, nourishing, and protecting the eyes,” according to an article I didn’t read very carefully. The article was cleverly titled, “13 things You Probably Don’t Know about Tears.” I guess basal tears are the kind I don’t have enough of naturally, or else I wouldn’t have to spend $20 a bottle on “Refresh.” (Or is it $100?) Whatever it is, I pay it, and gladly, just to stop the unending pain of eye sting and itch I have without it.
Cited within the article I didn’t read that diligently, is a research paper I didn’t read at all. The article was written by Lauren Bylsma, Ph.D. and her co-author, Ad J.J.M. Vingerhoets of Tilburg University in The Netherlands. Just the words “research paper” sounds boring; no wonder I didn’t read it. I didn’t even try to find it. Nevertheless, Bylsma and Vingerheoets wrote in their paper which I did not read, “The Riddle Of Emotional Tears: Why Do We Cry?” a further discussion of tears. In addition to the illusive (expensive!) “Refresh” type tear (basal) already discussed, there is a second type: reflex tears. Reflex tears have a chemical composition that is different from basal (aka Refresh) tears. Reflex tears protect the eyes from irritants like onions, wind, smoke, etc., declare the aforementioned paper writers.
Finally, emotional tears, both happy and sad, may have a different chemical construct than do the tears for lubricating eyes or reflexing them. While emotional tears are chemically different from regular (basal) and reflex tears (i.e. California is on fire so your eyes will do their pathetic best), within the emotional tear type itself, there was no scientific difference between them as far as happy/sad. It is as if the body’s biology does not know (or care) which specific emotion it is having. This explains–biologically speaking–why we can cry at a wedding and be happy, or cry at a wedding and be sad (as in the uncomfortable situation where you are attending a wedding, in love with the bride or the groom, but you, yourself are neither one of them. Oops). There was also no special category for the kind of tears you have when writing about a boring thing (ahem) or reading a boring article that makes you (me) want to take a nap. Regardless, there was definitely, definitely, no chemical composition for the infamous “crocodile tears…” Science. Mic drop!