My friend Kanako is going to save the world. She said so, and I would like to believe her.
First, to know Kanako, you need to know a few things about her. She’s a Buddhist. She’s a pacifist. She leads a meditation group, and sometimes she’s a vegetarian. She is a family therapist. She goes to Burning Man and does acid. Finally–and most importantly–she is going to save the world.
She did explain to me that there’s one small catch. She has to kill three people to do it. The first person (well, not in this order) she is going to kill: Mike Pence, because then he can’t take over Trump’s failed Presidency after she’s killed Trump. Third: Nancy Pelosi, because she is next in line for the presidency if both President Trump and VP Pence are dead. (We’re really sorry about that, Nancy). I don’t feel like getting into it further and because happily it’s all going to be over in just a few short days. (It took me a really, really long time to get a hold of Kanako to make sure it would be okay if I could post this.) By the time I got a hold of her, it’s pretty much too late, the rioters have rioted, the world is almost over, and democracy, as we know it, is completely in the shitter. Still, it’s fun to pretend. By the way, these are NOT actual death threats, of course. This is fiction. That’s what fantasy is. (Please don’t arrest me.) Trump has been living in a fantasy world ever since the November election. Well, longer, of course, but, hey…
And, for obvious reasons, of course, Kanako ultimately (but first in terms of chronology) has to kill the pretend-President, the one who is trying to ruin our democracy by claiming the election was rigged, despite all of the evidence to the contrary. Well, lack of evidence, actually. All of the lawsuits and propaganda because he is in denial, or because he really, really wants to be a dictator, or because he never got to use the best Crayola crayons. You know, the really good ones? The turquoise one and the bright, burgundy wine color one?
For some reason, when it was Trump’s turn at the crayon box, the turquoise and the burgundy were never available, and he’s been emotionally scarred ever since. Maybe little Timmy had them. Maybe Priscilla was hoarding. I don’t know…but ever since he was a little boy, Trump has been ripped off by the system. “It’s rigged.” He’s been cheated. He’s been left out. He never got his chance at the cool crayons, so ever since kindergarten, his life has been one of searching, searching. He’s waiting for his turn at the big boy podium. (Maybe that terrorist rioter will loan it to him). Trump wants to stand up, be recognized, and finally have someone place the gold medal around his neck. The problem is, it already was. He’s had his turn at the podium. His turn is over.
Trump as the Monopoly Man 
Trump as spoiled, rich Mr. Howell
I don’t know what it means that he wants to wear the monopoly man winning hat, but for some reason that’s what came to me. President Trump is like Mr. Howell on Gilligan’s Island, too. He is spoiled, and privileged, and oh, so very white. There is nothing wrong with being white. Our skin color is far from our control (although why white people pay a lot of money to go to tanning salons, I couldn’t say. Seems expensive as well as hypocritical! Plus cancerous!) For a group of people that acts so horribly to black people, we sure do go out of our way to darken our skin! Still, Trump can’t help that he’s white. (And sometimes orange). He can’t help that he’s spoiled and privileged. He can’t even help that he has small hands. He can, however, do some work exploring his inner racist…then challenging it by looking at his biases, hate, and fears. (Doesn’t hate always come down to fear? Yes, it does.) In Trump’s case, his inner racist isn’t even all that inner. It’s pretty much right out there, for all the world to see. He just lays it all on the line. “Rapists and murderers.” “Good people on both sides.” All of that shit.
What is really scary to me is how very many people voted for him. People I know, care about, even love. I have a hard time with that, and, like many people, I am struggling now to square my strong political, emotional, and yes, spiritual views with those of my opposite leaning Republican friends and family. It’s hard.
Where to begin? How to explain to Trump and his supporters that, yes, dude, you lost the election and it wasn’t because it was fraudulent. You lost because that’s how people voted. You lost because, this time, people chose good versus evil. You lost because it’s a democracy. Step away from the podium. You can keep your gold medal, but you have to step down now…because your turn is over.
It would be nice, too, if Trump would just stop already before he makes it all worse. Setting everything on fire to make a complete shit storm for Biden is only going to make it easier for Trump to get elected (part of his evil plan) when he runs again in 2024, which is as scary as that can possibly be. He’s going to leave an absolute mess for Biden, come back in four years and say, “Look at that! Look at what a loser he was! He couldn’t even save the economy, restore jobs, and save people’s lives. What a loser!” And people will nod politely, or, because we are talking about Trump supporters, they will not nod politely. No, in actuality, they will honk their horns, ignoring pedestrians, revving their engines, waving the Confederate flag, all while choosing to fight for their “rights” to kill others by refusing to wear masks. Or now, since all the capitol mess has happened since I first wrote this two weeks ago, they’ll storm in a mob, commit treason, and kill some more people. Yay, Trump fans.
And that’s why I completely approve of Kanako’s plan to kill three people (in order to save millions). Her heroism will save millions because of the shit storm of Covid. (He utterly blew that one). She might end up even saving billions of lives, due to his unhinged behavior. Who knows what he’ll do between now and President Elect-Biden’s inauguration? Her plan is an excellent one and I support it. I will definitely need to go to my own meditation group tonight. I won’t do acid, though.