First, monkeys don’t need typewriters, so it’s sort of a shitty gift to begin with. It’s a little like giving a frog an Apple watch, though, admittedly, it’s not as bad as giving a fish a house plant, particularly a small bonsai, to care for.
Second, while typewriters do still exist, it is very difficult to find the ribbons for them. This fact leads our poor little monkey into an entirely new, specialized world of typewriter ribbons, etc. Then, the monkey would probably need to borrow the frog’s watch to find a place to get the ribbon. (Hmm… Do Apple watches come with the tools necessary, like Siri or something, to find typewriter ribbon stores? I wonder.)
I’m almost certain that there’s only one typewriter supply store left…and it’s probably next to the last remaining “Blockbuster” in Bend, Oregon. Actually, it would be smart if that endangered typewriter ribbon store positioned itself there in Bend, next to the official last Blockbuster. This location would be especially timely since the documentary, “The Last Blockbuster,” was released (on Netflix, oh, the irony!). Since its Netflix debut, people have continued to flood its doors. (Blockbuster’s, of course. Netflix doesn’t have doors, duh!)
As we can imagine, perhaps in a small strip mall in Bend, Oregon lies the last Blockbuster video store on the planet, with the typewriter supply stuff store nestled nearby, hiding in plain sight. I don’t know; I haven’t looked. (I wasn’t the idiot who gave a monkey a typewriter!) It’s funny how that last Blockbuster now has some sad notoriety due to the Netflix film.
I would never go to that last Blockbuster out of nostalgia. It’s a video store, for Pete’s sake. In Seattle, I wouldn’t wait in line for hours to go to the first Starbuck’s, either. It’s cool that it started somewhere (duh), but what is the pleasure of waiting in line, just to go to the first of a chain? So what? It’s Starbucks. Your 1/2 caff soy mocha (with whip cream) will be just as good there as the one around the corner. Plus, you won’t have to wait for ages to order. That’s the point of Starbucks: consistency across all stores across the country, and across the world. We consumers count on it, just as the Starbucks “Evil Empire” counts on the fact that we do so.
This could become meta so quickly, but let’s go back to the topic at hand, shall we? We have more important things to talk about than Starbuck origins. We have a monkey who’s waiting for us while looking for a typewriter ribbon supply shop….sheesh! Sorry about that, Jingles! (I looked up monkey names: Chip and Jingles both appealed to me. I chose Jingles, but with some hesitation.) Hmm. I was saying?
It’s not as bad as giving a fish an Apple watch, or a frog a houseplant.
Oh, right. Monkeys and typewriters, and the fact that a typewriter is a shitty gift for a monkey, especially without giving him a spare ribbon. If, for whatever reason, a monkey does have a typewriter, what might he do with it? (or she, or they, of course). For example, he certainly can’t type his blog, for instance, and for a lot of reasons. First, most monkeys (there are some exceptions) can’t type. Since 1985, very little communication is through actual paper documents, anyway. Second, only some monkeys speak English, and few are skilled enough to know how to form complete sentences, let alone work on a typewriter.
Admittedly, inability to communicate doesn’t stop a lot people from communicating. Even some politicians have continued blathering on, in spite of the fact that they are–or were–in public office. Whether or not a monkey wanted to type his blog, if he has one, or even if he wants to type something else, he probably doesn’t know how to type. He was unlikely to have had a wonderful typing teacher in school repeating, “Eff, jay, dee, kay, ess, ell, ayy, semi!) teaching him how to do so. (Thank you, Mr. Dempsey! Forever indebted!)
However, for the sake of the argument, let’s pretend the monkey does know how to type, and he has a blog, or another publication of some sort. Newsletter. Pamphlet. Floundering newspaper. Then what?
What would Jingles want to say? Does he want to tackle climate change, or address the decimation of rainforests across the planet? How birthcontol pills get into the water supply chain, impacting gorillas’ reproduction? (This is true. I read about this small, random fact on a chalk board at my local coffee place. Not Starbucks). Even a monkey might have concerns about gorilla reproduction. (We’re all in this together and whatnot.) Or maybe Jingles wants to rail about politics, or state of the world in general? Critical need for Trans rights? Atro-physics? Maybe he wants to empasize the importance of adopting domestic pets, but hopefully not animals that are actually meant to be in the wild? (Jingles and I have a lot of similar beliefs.) Indeed, what might he want to tell us? How to make money in a capitalist economy during a pandemic? Oh, that’s it! Quick, somebody get Jingles a ribbon!
