When Beelzebub wants a cooler clime, he comes to one of the hottest summer places on Earth. Chico.
Sure, there are worse places than Chico, California in the summer, but I would be hard pressed to name them. Las Vegas comes to mind. In Vegas, it was 112 yesterday at 7 pm. Sure, the Devil likes Vegas; he travels there quite frequently on business, but he wouldn’t want to live there. Vegas means business, not vacation.
It’s not that he likes cooler temperatures, it’s just the same principle as any of us. Travel. Variety. Burning souls must get old, time after time after…Even Satan needs some vacation, some down time. Yesterday, Chico was only a balmy 104, but he likes it here in spite of its chilly temperatures. I’m sure there are plenty of places in India, too, but it’s their rainy season, I think. However, I am quite sure that the Devil probably comes to Chico not only for the weather, which is warm enough to be bearable for him, otherwise he’d go to Vegas or India. You know what I mean: change of pace and what not. It’s not for his cooler summer. Mildly cooler. There are a lot of reasons for the Devil to go to Chico. Here’s how I know…
Trump supporters. There is no finer connection to the Devil himself than a heavy population of Trump supporters. This is La Malfa territory, so there are absolutely hundreds of them, thousands of them, oozing all over this otherwise beautiful land.
For humans, Chico has culture, educated people, great restaurants, and all the things that make it a nice place to call home. We’ve been living here more than 10 years. It also has Sierra Nevada Brewing, which a lot of people think is a great thing. I’m sort of so-so on that, to be honest, because I don’t really like many of Sierra Nevada’s beers. (Don’t tell. They might boot me out, just for that!) Even though I don’t love their beers, I still support Sierra Nevada Brewing company; before Covid we went there frequently for the live music events, and those were all pretty good. They don’t sell nachos, though, which I think is an oversight. Who doesn’t want some nachos with their beer? Since I don’t like their beverages, I can get my nachos elsewhere, too. On the other hand, the Devil likes Sierra Nevada.
Chico is an absolutely wonderful, beautiful place to live. That is, five months out of the year:
March. Lovely. By human standards.
April. Still lovely, but you can feel what’s coming.
May. Getting warmer. I’m starting to get nervous. No, wait, it’s hot! Really hot!
June. Run for your lives.
Sure, the Devil loves Las Vegas, too.
July. Run faster, you moron!
August. Go on without me! Save yourselves! (Also, the college students return to Chico in August.)
Ah, September, so pretty, but still too warm. On the plus side, we made it! We’re alive! We survived! (Devil returns to his usual home in September. He does not need to do any recruiting because typically those college students who are ultimately going his direction will find their own way downstairs. (A little drunk driving, some fentanyl, coke, etc., the usual.) As an aside, I’m not sure drug use sends people to hell, really. It doesn’t necessarily seem evil. I might have to think about that one.
October. Finally, a month to enjoy the fall, the kind of warm that doesn’t melt your face off, the pretty foliage, the promise of cooler temperatures ahead. I think I remember this.
November. Still pretty. A little chilly out, no, wait, a lot chilly, but after the face-melting temperatures of the summer, it is hard not to enjoy it and be grateful. Sort of.
December. Why does it get so f-ing cold here? I saw a reindeer print on my neighbor’s lawn…and it was frozen,
January. Okay, I give up. I have a heavy coat on, gloves, a hat. I’m inside.
February. Oh, this is nice, still really surprisingly cold, but, hey, I could live with this. I am living with this.
March…lovely…oh, wait, we did this already.
In other words, the Devil’s Summer Home is nice 5 months out of the year, and it’s Hell for the other 7. If you like it hot, it’s the perfect place to live (that’s why Satan summers here). If you like cold, we got that, too. (Notice that the Evil One himself just summers here, not winters.) If you like spring, no promises because sometimes spring lasts a week (or even two, if you’re lucky) and sometimes spring just goes straight into the “Hot Season.” Rinse and repeat.
To summarize, Chico is an absolutely beautiful hot/cold place with two seasons. Hot. Cold. It has a few nice months sprinkled in, just to keep the long term residents happy (and there are a lot of long-term residents.) Since we’ve lived here, I can’t tell you how many people I know who grew up here, were raised here, and never left. The rest of the folks came here for CSU Chico, fell in love with the place, and also never left. Except for the weather, it’s a great town. Also, a lot of people do like Sierra Nevada. I’m just not one of them.
Autumn in Chico, CA, Bidwell Park