Re-post from entry on 2020, now with video and other goodies!
5/13/2022
The fear of Friday the 13th— Where did it come from, when did it start, and why? Curious, and mostly because I had insomnia, I looked it up. Triskaidekaphobia originally stems from superstitions about Eve eating the apple on a Friday the 13th. Maybe she was just hungry?
It is said by some that fear of Friday the 13th can also be traced back to the “Last Supper,” with Jesus and his disciples, the day before he was crucified. A true disciple of Christ, however, would not actually be, you know, a Judas. I mean, I know Judas was technically a disciple, but not only did his place at the table complete the unlucky 13, he wasn’t really a disciple of Christ. How so, you may ask? I’m glad you did, and of course you may! Well, a disciple is one who is 1. a believer or 2. a follower, according to the tools function on “Word.” Clearly, Judas was not really a believer in Christ’s words (thou shalt not kill and all that good stuff, except I think maybe that was Moses, too? ). Anywhoodle, Judas probably did believe Jesus was the son of God and what not, or else he wouldn’t have Judased him. Or Jude-assed him. Of course, Judas might have actually followed Jesus, like to the crucifying place, so, in that sense, he was a “follower of Christ.” However, when it came to Judas following Jesus, it was only in the geographical sense, not in the values and morals sense of the word that he “followed” Jesus. I’m sure there is a better word for Jesus’s last living location than the “crucifying place.” Even Siri wouldn’t be able to find it with that description.
God love her, our Siri, and He probably does. If so, he probably loves her way more than he loves Alexa, because God is smart. If you ask me, Alexa is a bitch. Once, I made some song request or another and she just ignored me. The nerve! Then, my Mom asked her for the very same song just moments later and she gave it to her! What’s that all about? I really don’t like Alexa, not even the teensiest…and even though Siri would never be able to find “the crucifying place,” she sure would try, by golly. Yes, of course, Siri might also find Tori Amos lyrics (or someone more relevant that I can’t think of right now). She might also find unrelated things, or Monte Python’s “Life of Brian,” or horrifically, actual crucifixions (or maybe “just” a beheading) that are currently taking place in some part of of the world I can never pronounce, because truth be told, I never can remember if we are at war with Iran (I-ran) or Iraq (I-rack).
My failure is less about pronunciation and more about my general ignorance of which of the two countries we are at war with this time. Let’s not forget Afghanistan. Hopefully, Russia isn’t on the table anytime soon. Sheesh! It’s so hard to keep track, especially since a year is a month and a minute is a second ever since I turned 50 (two years ago) and, especially, since Covid started!
If you would give me the benefit of the doubt, please, we have been at war with both of these countries in my 1/2 century lifetime: both I-ran and I-rack, and many of the “boys who have died for our freedom” have died in one of those two places, right, no matter the name? (i.e. Persian Gulf war, Iran conflict, Iraq war, etc.) Or possibly Afghanistan. Oh, yeah, and Vietnam. Germany. Europe as a whole. Oops. (BTW, I know, they aren’t boys, at least not all of them, and I know there are women in the military, too, of course). You know what I mean because that’s the expression that still exists, albeit a dying one (no pun intended). Like “Boys in blue,” or “Boys fighting for us overseas.” Besides, if the entire idea of women just eating apples and so forth leads to such a fear of what used to be considered a lucky day until the patriarchy got a hold of it, I can say “boys fighting overseas,” don’tcha think? You know what I mean.
Thank you boys (men) fighting overseas…AND women. AND people who are non-binary. (Extra brave of you to be in the military). Thank you, all of you. I’m truly sorry you have to go to war, any of you, no matter where you are. Or who.
(Image from Nice png.com)
As I was saying, it’s not really my fault that I’m confused. Since I grew up in a time where we fought with I-ran and later I-rack (like some weird “Brave New World” version of the world), can you blame me? Especially, dear reader, if you take into account that we then went to war again with Iraq plus Afghanistan after 9/11 (Nine-eleven), even though it was neither of those countries’ pilots who flew into the twin-towers, but, in fact, the pilots were from Saudi Arabia (huh?). If you add to that to the idea that most Americans (excuse me, US Americans) couldn’t find any of those countries on a map, can you continue to blame me? I think you understand my point. (Maybe?) We can’t even blame the fact that people in our country have no ability to, “um, like as, and such as and um” find a given country on a map because we do have maps. (Thank you Miss South Carolina. Oh, and if you haven’t seen that clip, you really should. It’s funny and sad at the same time, included here for your viewing pleasure.) Yes, here in the good ole’ USA we do, in fact, have maps!
I just never saw one (a map) because when I was in high school, we didn’t study Geography. Or any foreign language.* So, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, all are or have been at war with us, and we with them, at some time or another, and it was Saudi Arabians who flew (and crashed) into the Twin Towers that fateful day. And it wasn’t even a Friday the 13th!
As a non-practicing, third generation Catholic, I feel compelled to now confess that I did actually study a foreign language in high school: Spanish. It was the only language offered. (I said that I hadn’t for effect, but then I felt guilty for the pretense. Sorry, readers. Sorry, Mr. Hardy). I also can name many more than three countries, where as a Jimmy Kimmel bit shows that many US Americans cannot. (Thank God for the kid!) I did not study Geography, though. They didn’t have that.
Because I was in a college choir that toured Canada, I even know the words and tune to the Canadian National Anthem, “O, Canada.” I don’t know why there is no h, but there’s not. Seriously, I looked it up. Further, not only do I know how to spell both blond and blonde, I know that Africa is a continent and not a country. Phew. Happy Triskaidekaphobia, everybody!