It’s fat, it’s slow, and it’s often found in Florida. Sound familiar? No, I don’t mean Trump, silly! I’m talking about manatees. In addition to Florida, manatees are also found in the Gulf of Mexico, the west coast of Africa, and in the Amazon. Most importantly, they are also on the the Endangered Species list! And, last week, on January 11, one of those gentle giants was found with “Trump” carved into his back. I’m pretty sure the manatee wasn’t even a registered voter. Whoever did that to him is a fucker, but with a capital F. Fucker.
This is cute. 
This is disgusting.
I know that manatee carving was already a week ago, and I know blogs are supposed to be super up-to-date and spiffy, but if I’m not mistaken, there was quite a lot going on last week, so you’ll have to give me a pass, please. It wasn’t exactly a slow news week! My nephew works in D.C. so I heard there were some riots and stuff. Some people died, a few politicians lives were threatened, etc. You know, just ordinary, boring, run-of-the-mill stuff. Not.
However, this morning, when I intended to watch something to get further informed (I mean terrified) about this Wednesday’s inauguration, I came across the hideous manatee story. It had escaped my attention last week, for obvious reasons. Yes, that manatee. The carved up one. I was so saddened, then angry, that I knew I had to write. So, here we are together, thinking about the sickening assault on an innocent animal.
My husband, Jack (fake name–for those of you who know him, you know that already) told me that the Democrats don’t have enough fun with this kind of horror. I think he’s right. For instance, if the slow-moving, fat manatee gets to have the word Trump carved into his back, then the Bald Eagle should get Biden, of course. Yeah, right on!
Can you picture some official Presidential graffiti artist spray-painting Biden on the noble Bald Eagle’s wings? Right on, man! This led us to consider further the animals in politics and who they should be. We had fun with it, too. (No, we weren’t smoking anything.)
Since Trump gets the Florida manatee, it goes without saying that Biden has to get the Bald Eagle. Not only does Biden have some hair recession going on himself, the Bald Eagle is the symbol of our country, our proud, National Bird, yadda, yadda, yadda. In the picture of Biden I chose, he has only one visible arm. This because he will not be able to fix this country (I’m quite sure of it) in one term. Even with two arms, he won’t be able to fix us because we are super, duper broken. I doubt he’ll serve two, either, what with him being old and all.
For the record, I’m not against old. Or fat. I’ve been at least one of those (if not two) in my own lifetime. I know for a fact that I’ve been fat (I have a scale and everything). I’m still not sure if I’m old yet, since the jury’s out on whether 51 is old. My ten year old niece would say I am definitely old. My husband, who is older than I am, would say I’m just middle aged, not old. He claims old is in your 60s. Great, now I have that to look forward to-if Covid doesn’t get me first! Also, since technically “old” is always ten years older than you are, I’m definitely not old…and, by that logic, I never will be.
Regardless, Biden will not serve two terms. (I’d put money on it.) The world is going to hell, and democracy is in the toilet. Sorry to be the bearer of such uplifting news, but I gotta call it like I see it! Biden will probably–and understandably–be paralyzed by the overwhelming “challenges” of his single term, such as Covid, of course, which is unlike anything we have seen in our our lifetime. Then, scary Covid is actually in combat with a ridiculous health care system. Vaccine shortages at the same time vaccines have to be thrown away. Thousands upon thousands of people are sick and dying in a pandemic, with a virus we don’t even understand yet, and it’s only going to get worse. Oh, let’s not forget a failing economy, political and philosophical division, religious clashes, racial division, hate and racism, anger, fury, insanity, etc. Sadly, we are a once-great country that is split clearly in two between, you know, “facts and science” vs….everything else. Yikes. I think I need a drink…and I’m sure it’s 5:00 somewhere. Poor Biden.
Moving away from our President and President-Elect, let’s continue this creative exercise of animals in politics. There are the cheap and easy ones, like Rudy Giuliani. That’s too easy. He’s the skunk. Insert cheap fart joke here. Pelosi is trickier. You would think she’s a turtle because they live a very, very long time, about 100 years in their natural habitat. Much less in captivity, of course. Then again, the shell imagery doesn’t fit for her. She’s much tougher than that. Not the shell, I mean, but the “turtle retreating into her shell” idea. She’s not too big on retreating, is she?
Hey, parrots live a long time, too; she can be a parrot. Parrots can live 75 years…but Pelosi is already 80. Fortunately for our great new game, “name the politician’s animal,” I did find that the oldest parrot is believed to be 118 years old. Phew. Close one, Nancy!
For the rat, of course, you have to have Mitch McConnell. He’s slippery, he’s weasel like, but for me, he’s not going to be the weasel because he is, quite obviously, the rat. Well, obvious to me, but you can choose for yourself, of course. Not sure it matters either way…
Let’s continue with our game. As you’ve heard by now, Republican Representatives, Louie Gohmert of Texas, Steve Stivers of Ohio, Van Taylor of Texas, Lauren Boebert of Colorado, Debbie Lesko of Arizona, and Larry Bucshon of Indiana, were seen “not complying with police at checkpoints and/or they complained about the measure’s implementation, according to press and media reports.” (I cut and pasted that, kind of, from something AP-ish so that I wouldn’t misspell any names). Anyway, in this political drama (aka today’s blog entry) that group of crazies can be a pack of wolves, as far as I’m concerned. The fact that they protested metal detectors and security measures (like police checkpoints) after all of last week’s madness is disgusting, even scary.
I’m all for the 2nd amendment, but do you really need to carry a gun to work?! I guess if you work in D.C. you do, what with some of your colleagues giving early, pre-riot reconnaissance tours in the Capitol and all! Sheesh! So, yeah, they are a pack of wolves as far as I’m concerned. Lauren Boebert can be the Alpha pack-leader. Wow! Remind me not to move to Colorado anytime soon. That’s a shame, because I really like Boulder.
My husband, who has all the best ideas, says it’s all just fine. Let them carry their guns, and create a safe zone inside chambers. That way they can carry their guns, and everyone else can be safe. Just make sure it’s bullet proof glass!
The safe zone should also be the same size of the hiding area from last week’s failed coup; that would be cool. Then, those folks who want to be in the safety and freedom section can carry their guns with them all they like. Just as long as they are mask-less, too, like the representatives who refused to put on their masks last week (when they were all squished together into their hiding area). Even though their colleagues requested they wear masks, some of them still refused. Yikes! Manatees and parrots, I tell you!
This is the new political safe zone: going mask-less, loaded guns, everything you wanted in your work space. Enjoy! Personally, I think the new safe zone should also be the size of a prison cell so they could see how big (small) those are. Maybe people could find their humanity. Or they could have 2-to-a-bed safe zone area (more construction, more of our tax dollars, I know), just like prison bunk beds. Then make sure those are prison cell size, too. Like fun size candies, but without the candy. Or the fun.
