Here’s how to enjoy truth in advertising. First, you have to read the ad. Second, you have to consider the ad. Third, you have to enjoy the ad. That, my friends, is how you enjoy truth in advertising. You’re welcome.
We’ve looked at a lot of cars. Lot. Cars. Get it?
Jack and I have been looking for a car for two days. Or is it three? However many days it is, it is too many, and I am sick of it, or at least I was, until I got a little respite from the mostly-boring task. We were looking at a lot of cars, all types of fancy-ish, but not too fancy, autos. Used cars, of course, so craigslist is our go-to. (Do newspaper ads even exist anymore? Do newspapers?) At one point, we were looking for a Lexus. We’ve never driven a Lexus, but we were going to look because my brother-in-law has one and he loves it. It has all the plus sides of things: safety, reliability, etc. Snooze. So, we were looking on Craigslist when the perfect Lexus came up for sale at the golden discount price of just $1,500. I can’t fault the guy; without a doubt, he offered truth in advertising: the title of his Craigslist ad is “2002 Crashed Lexus Rx300.” As you can imagine, we are not actually looking for a “crashed Lexus” at this time, but it was such a great headline that I had to look, so I clicked on the ad. I am so glad I did. To cite the ad itself:
“I have a crashed 2002 Lexus RX300 for sale as is.”
Craigslist, June 3, 2021
That is a relief, and immediately takes the pressure off. The seller encourages direct application of the infamous “buyer beware” idea. “Crashed Lexus,” and “as is.” He put it all out there, right up front.
For the purpose of this entry, I am going to assume that the ad-writer is a man, based on two, and only two, things. First, men are often more concise, especially in craigslist ads. I know this because I have seen this phenomenon multiple times, a concise ad and then a “reply to…” insert John, Kevin or some other guy-type-name here. I do know a little girl named Kevin, but hers is spelled differently: Kevyn. In case you’re interested, I also know a woman named Zakary, who changed her name legally and she liked the name Zachary. She changed the spelling, too.
However, Zakary and Kevyn have nothing to do with this entry, because, as you know, my particular point at the moment is that I believe the writer of the ad is a man. First, as I said, he’s concise. Second, because at some point in the ad, the writer talks about the car needing some work. Then he goes into some boring detail about why. It is possible that the writer has some automotive know-how. Of course, some women have automotive know-how as well. (Have you seen “My Cousin Vinny,” for example? Fantastic.) However, if you combine the likely automotive know-how of the writer with the concise nature of the ad, you will likely agree with me. (He also mentions that he doesn’t have time to work on the car.) Let’s just assume I’m right that the ad writer is a man, shall we, and move on from there. The ad in full:
“I’m not sure exactly what’s wrong with it but I do not have the time to find out. It has somewhere around 180,000 original miles. The lights turn on and all electrical wiring works. It just won’t start. Willing to sign over the title for nothing less than 1,500 and you will need to get your own tow.”
Craigslist, June 3, 2021
This ad has so much juicy goodness to dissect. So much to enjoy. The advertiser explains that the lights turn on, blah, blah, blah, but “it just won’t start.” Really? I wonder why. The car “just won’t start,” is not exactly a minor thing when it comes to, well, you know, cars. Starting is reasonably important. I’m not a mechanic, or even mechanically minded, but even I know that cars are supposed to start. (Of course, it could be something minor like a battery, but I think he would have ruled that one out fairly quickly).
Ignoring a “just won’t” detail would be like buying shoes that “just” don’t” have soles on them. Or like going to a dentist who “just” doesn’t work on teeth. Or using a hair brush that doesn’t brush, a nutritionist who doesn’t deal in nutrition, a parent who doesn’t parent, a firefighter who “just” doesn’t put out a fire, eating an order of escargot without snails, or eating McDonald’s fries without the delicious, greasy goodness that is called fries. You get the idea. (Because I mentioned a Lexus, albeit used, I wanted to give the range, see? From escargot to McDonald’s fries. Clever, right?) I have eaten escargot once. Once. I prefer fries, thanks.
Speaking of ranges, I was curious about the true value of a car that “just won’t start” so I looked up what this Lexus value would be for a car in this condition. Kelly Blue Book said, “We will not give values of cars in this condition.” After I took the time to fill out all of their questions, even! Sheesh! How rude!
Still, I love the bold confidence of the seller. I like how he is “willing” to sell this car and sign over the title with “nothing less than $1500,” for this, his glorious Lexus which will need to be towed. I can understand the asking price, though. I mean, it is a not-working luxury 19 year-old car with “only” 180 thousand miles in intriguing cosmetic condition. He did say the lights turn on. “I’m not sure exactly what’s wrong with it” is my very favorite line. It’s just the teensiest bit possible that, in spite of its working lights, the car-problem is not only a cosmetic one. Hmm. He might have forgotten to look at the picture. And that, my friends, is how you enjoy truth in advertising.
